Where to begin?! Sometimes I feel like I’ve lived 70 years and just have a 29 year old body. Although there have also been moments where my body has felt 70 years old too! I have been lucky enough and blessed enough to have a “far too analytical” brain, a positive personality, kind heart and the good fortune to have had many, fantastic adventures and experiences during my short time on Earth.
I was born 26 February 1980 to a pair of “average” parents in a Southern suburb of Sydney. Both parents are brilliant in their own ways and many of my traits, as with most children, have been inherited either directly from them, or in rebellion against them.
My father has had his own business since I was born and as I gain more age and experience I can see that it could never have been any other way. He is determined, strong-willed, stubborn and so sure that he is always right…The problem of course is, that he often is. As hard as he is on the outside, my father has a soft, caring heart and he would do anything for his family (sometimes he just needs a little arm twisting, but don’t we all)?! He grew up in a fiery family where opinions were voiced with harsh resolution and shouting or throwing of items was a passionate way of expressing ones point of view…But family always came first, they were always the most important and they would bond strongly together through any adversity…This is instilled in him to this day.
My mother’s live and attitude is completely the opposite, but the same in so many ways. She was the youngest of 5 surviving children and much like the era she was bought up in, was expected to sacrifice her happiness for everyone else in her family without question or complaint. By age 14 she cooked, cleaned and gave up her education (including a scholarship through to university) for her family. Taking care of everyone else continued into married life where she was at home every day before and after school. While I cannot be more grateful than to have had the experience of a mum who stayed at home throughout our schooling I often question how detrimental it has been to her growth and enjoyment of life. She is a brilliant woman who has been limited by such a restricted, domineering upbringing and unfortunately it affects her to this day. She lets things build up to breaking point before she snaps. Having said all of this, my mother is without question, the most loving, caring, thoughtful woman that I know. She would bend over backwards to do anything for anyone and never expects anything in return, in fact she struggles to accept gifts or compliments in anyway. In contrast to my father’s upbringing, my mother’s family civil, but very detached from each other and will not put each other first, above all else. Something I don’t want when I have a family.
I watched and learnt a lot from my parents; about what I wanted from my life, what I want for my children, what type of person I wanted to become, and how I would and wouldn’t do things in life. We had some extremely difficult times growing up, and I look back now and wonder how they got through…But they did and I will too…Because they taught me that. Life doesn’t stop. My parents strength, determination and belief in each other got them through. They knew their end goal, focused on it, and took the steps required to get there. While I inadvertently learnt this trait from my parents, I have noticed people don’t often define their end goal and therefore their steps lead them around in circles.
My father always insisted that my sister and I must “work if I want anything”. I’m not sure whether that was because of how they were brought up, or because they couldn’t afford to buy us things, or a combination of both. I’m also not sure they expected me to take it to such extremes! Either way I understood from an early age and began working at 15, because I wanted things my friends had! That line is still so etched into my system, and I can’t say I won’t place the same expectation on my children, because the work ethic both my sister and I have is second to none, which correlates with one of my key life catch phrases: “If you are going to do something, do it well, or there’s no point in doing it.” I’m sure you can see some of my father’s determination coming through now!
I was a goal setter from early in the piece and it was possibly the most important thing I ever learnt to do, all be it accidentally at the time. In grade 12 (final year of high school) I wanted to be 1st in all 6 of my classes, I managed to come 1st in 5 of them, and 4th in the remaining one. Throughout school I also competed heavily in judo and represented both NSW and Australia on a number of occasions, doing very well the majority of the time. During year 11, I had the opportunity to be selected to do a university subject in the area I was most interested in pursuing as a career, (for the past 2 years), sport psychology. Later the university offered me a scholarship into the complete course before I sat my year 12, end of school exams! Fabulous!! So off I went to university to become the sport psychologist I’d dreamt of being for years, however, in my first year it was compulsory to do some sport science classes. Not so fabulous!! I loved everything sport, but I had no interest in sport science and was feeling like I needed a break from studying…
At 18, I finished the semester, left the scholarship and university and set off to try other jobs. I did office work, became a checkout chick, and got a job in a restaurant (which I stayed at, because I loved it and the people for 10 years. I still miss being there to this day), maintained judo and self defence classes/school that I had started doing with another coach at 15, and then became a swim instructor…Now, I hated swimming, but I loved sport and thought…Why not?! The worst that could happen was I wouldn’t like it…Best decision of my life! I worked for that company for nearly 4 years and did private swim lessons on the side. They became like family to me and I loved going to work everyday, absolutely loved it! It was THE MOST satisfying and rewarding job I have ever had. The parents loved me, the kids loved me, and I loved them!!! The staff were fantastic and very close. After a few months of the swimming teaching I realised how much I loved teaching these kids and still wanted to get a university degree (being the first in my family to do so), so I applied. Back to university I went to do a Bachelor of Education (Primary)…Why primary, because the primary degree allowed you to work with children aged 3 (preschool) to 14 (high school), meaning that once I was in I could teach children of any age group.
Now, this is the time of my life where my sister, somewhat cheekily, but I like to think endearingly, began calling me a “high achiever”, while I just think of it as pursuing my goals. Having left uni for a year, I felt the need to catch it up, and although the student advisor said it was impossible, I WANTED to do that 4 year degree in 3! (The result: summer school, winter school, up to 50% more subjects and night classes at an alternative education centre). I also want to buy a brand new car ($16,500 – a lot of money for an almost 19 year old in those days) and pay it off in one year (yes, while at uni), and in doing this I didn’t want my good social life or judo to suffer!!! Phew, now that I think about it, no wonder everyone thought I was nuts! So, I did overload subjects, worked no less than 3 jobs at any one time, often docking up 40-50 hours of work per week during semester and up to 80 hours when on holidays, I trained up to 4 nights a week (I was beginning to cut back) and went out with friends 4-5 nights per week. It was the most fabulous time I can remember! And yes, I did finish the degree in 3 years (and was invited into the Honours Society), paid off the car in 1 year, had started saving for a property and overseas trip, and continued to compete in judo and have a full social life.
This may sound like a lot of things in 3 years, but I knew my goals. I knew my end result and I just did whatever I needed to do to get there. There was no major thought process, do I need to do this to reach my goal, if the answer was yes, then I would just do it. My dad had always said I could do and have anything, and I believed it. In fact, I didn’t even know I believed it, I just thought it was normal, because if I wanted something I knew I would have to work to achieve it!
After finishing the degree I set off to work in the school system, why I don’t know! I knew I didn’t want to be a classroom teacher. I had known it from 4 weeks into the degree, but my ego kicked in, and it was in a disadvantaged Western Sydney suburb (a place where my brains and enthusiasm could “help the kids that really needed it”) so when a school called to say that I had been recommended by a university professor I decided to take the position up. It was the hardest year of teaching I ever did, with the most difficult class I have ever experienced, but I loved them all. I learnt that year that I would never be fulfilled as a classroom teacher. Even though I worked ridiculously hard and put so much time and effort into everything school-related, (often much more than most other teachers), and I loved the children and they improved 200%, I was still disappointed at the end of the year about the things that I didn’t have time to do with/for them. I knew that I could never be fulfilled in a single classroom position and that wasn’t fair on the students.
I decided variety might be what I needed and asked for a specific position, where I could work with every class, but the school had allocated to someone else. Everyone thought I was crazy when I decided to leave that school and “wait” for the position I wanted to get offered to me, as it wasn’t an easy one to come by. I wasn’t too distressed because I had booked my “big trip” overseas for the middle of that year. It was to last 9 weeks and I couldn’t wait. I was going to see 14 countries and all the places in Europe I dreamt and learnt about at school. Sure enough 4 weeks into term I got offered the very position I wanted at two different schools! I chose one and spent the next 3 years in that role and loved it the majority of the time! However, the bureaucracy of the public schooling system, the rules and regulations, and the restrictions on teaching and learning we wearing me down and I became increasingly frustrated with being less able just to “teach” the students.
6 months after returning from overseas I was out looking for a property to buy. I had my criteria and I was off and running. I had also spent 2 years, during uni, working in a real estate to get experience and learn about the area that I wanted to buy in. It turned out this was one of my best moves yet. I had a rocky start, getting “gazumped” on the first property I wanted to buy. I was disappointed at it costing me so much money and the dishonesty of the real estate agent, but figured there must be something better waiting for me…Sure enough there was…I flicked through the paper and realised that one of my favourite properties was up for sale. I didn’t get emotional about it and played the game. I got the price I wanted and the rest is history! My favourite, and possibly best investment (to date). That year I went on to buy two more properties, selling one five months later for nearly double the price…To this day I’ve never been to that property, but it had suited my goal criteria!
Being one to finish what I start, in 2006 I decided to continue the Masters degree that I had started a few years before. With my growing disappointment in the school system and a partner I rarely saw because of his work/travel commitments, it seemed like a good time to go part-time with teaching, travel a little with my partner and finish the degree by correspondence. I set my list of criteria, found a good university and supervisor and I was off and running. Mid-year we learnt that my partner was going to be away overseas for 6 months straight! My enthusiasm for teaching in schools sunk even lower and the course was by distance so it seemed the perfect opportunity to leave my teaching position to work and travel with him.
We spent the next 6 months working and travelling on various contracts in the United States, Germany and Switzerland. It was a fabulous time. I made some great friends, learnt some (terrible, I’m sure) German language skills, worked 10 hour days and studied 5 hours per day. By the time we got back to Australia my partner and I were in a situation where it made sense for me to keep working with him and we revamped the company and exploded into the paintless dent repair industry in NSW with professionalism, full time staff and a system. Something this specialised field of the automotive industry had rarely experienced. We became a force to be reckoned with, with most insurance companies knowing of us, particularly in NSW. After a simple question from me about “Why do you order everything you need from overseas? Surely it’s easier to get them from Australia somewhere.” The response that there was nowhere good in Australia to get them all from prompted an off-shoot company selling paintless dent repair tools, training and accessories predominantly in Australia. My focus was quality and customer service. To this day, that company works based on word of mouth. No advertising or marketing has been done, but it is something I want to explore in the coming years.
For the next 4 years my partner and I travelled and worked together. We were a brilliant team, with the same philosophy towards work and where one had weaknesses, the other had strengths. We were nearly never at home, spending an average of 1-2 nights at home every month. We saw the world, went to interesting and beautiful places and experienced more of Eastern Australia than most people could ever dream of. It is harder than most people can imagine to be moving all of the time, but we coped as best we could. We decided to get married and would have made “the perfect couple” but something seemed to be missing and it all went astray and dissolved a few months before the wedding. We made great friends and an excellent team, but as a couple we needed more.
This was the most emotional time and decision that either of us had ever been through, and in some ways we are both still going through it now…But it has also been a very enlightening experience for me, as I have come to realise that I had stopped dreaming and stopped creating goals, and therefore stopped achieving things that I wanted. In a way, I had stopped living!
I first realised this during the breakup time (it took a few months). I recall my partner commenting to his friends that “I had caused him to put on weight because of my eating habits”??!!! I was soooooooo annoyed…Blaming me…I had rarely eaten take away before him (my mum was always at home to cook and look after me), and with all the travel not only were we eating out for every meal, but I had started eating the same portions as all of the boys (yes, I was also the only girl while we travelled) and was now eating 6-8 times a day and bigger portions, far more than I had ever eaten before. After his comment strong, confident, goal driven Lisa was back in action! I changed my diet, said no when they were eating crappy food, cut out all the “easy” but bad foods and stopped drinking diet coke. I allowed myself a certain amount of chocolate per day, (I couldn’t go too crazy or I knew I wouldn’t stick to it), and decided this was a lifestyle change, not a diet.
I lost 15kg (kilograms) in 8 weeks and felt fantastic! I felt fitter, agile, confident, beautiful, and sexy again! My friends and family were a little worried, so I put on 2-3kg’s to satisfy them and then told them to be happy that I felt good and was happy! Once that was under control I waited a couple of months and then started exercising again…And enjoying it! As I write this it has been 1 year since I lost all the weight and it is still off. My eating habits are 1 million times better (although I do fall off the bandwagon every now and then), and I am training to do my first City 2 Surf in 2 weeks. (An annual 14km fun run from Sydney CBD to Bondi Beach where you fundraise for a charity). My efforts have inspired a few friends to get moving and do some exercise and when my ex-partner saw how much weight I had lost he was on a mission and has done the same.
This year I have gone back to doing things for me, setting goals and being happy. It has been a hard year, with one of the hardest parts being that I needed to refresh and figure out what the things were I wanted to do for myself???! I had been doing the same things for so many years, and had become my mum, doing everything for everyone else and nothing for myself, and worse still…I hadn’t even recognised that I was doing it!! I was still happy, but there were definitely some things that I wanted and never asked for and other things that I accepted as ok, when they really weren’t!
After some soul searching I have realised what was right in front of me all of the time (isn’t it always the way?!) and that is: The things that I want and enjoy are the same things that make me smile everyday! I love talking to people and I love helping them, but most importantly I love being a true, honest and reliable person that people trust and call upon when they need something…So my purpose is to bring happiness into people’s lives in an honest, caring and fun way! From here on out everything I set out to do will have that target in mind.
My current work related goals are:
• To market and improve my current business (The Dent Shop) by taking it from word-of-mouth only to a well-known Australian brand and name.
• To set up a FUN industry-related blog/website and grow it to extreme popularity, becoming a household name, sharing lots of useful, honest, interesting information and links.
My current personal goals are:
• To maintain close, loving relationships with my family and friends and find that one person I’ve been looking for who accepts, encourages and loves me to be me.
• Maintain my current weight and exercise regimes.
• To devote more time to charity work…The list goes on!
Thank you for joining me on this journey. I am sure together we will learn a lot together as we grow and develop our relationship!
I look forward to your thoughts and feedback. Please send me any blog ideas, or questions you might have so that I can answer them, and feel free to write in the forum because this is our community and everyone’s thoughts and opinions are valued.
With love and positive thoughts and actions, take care.
Lisa Donohue
Strategies For Parents
